No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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