I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
