Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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