So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
this just has baby written all over it
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
