I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize