he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
