ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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