thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
