puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
