You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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