What did we do last night that was yellow?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
