I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
