Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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