I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
