I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
