best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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