I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I want to make a zoo with you.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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