those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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