You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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