Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
