i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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