Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Never underestimate the power of titties
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
