My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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