the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
