I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
