Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
