How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
