Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
