It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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