my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
