I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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