stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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