I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
