she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
