You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
