Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
