Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
