It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
