so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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