We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
