Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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