ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
