he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
