i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
