Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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