Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
