I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
