Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
