i already hear my dad disowning me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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