Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
