I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
