I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
