Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
