I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
