I smell stomach acid.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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