At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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