forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize