I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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