my mouth tastes like poor choices
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sober January is a disaster.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
