can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
