ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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