I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
