My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize