come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We need to get me chipped asap
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
