the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
