She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
