So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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