why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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