After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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