I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
