theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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