After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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