respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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