There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
